I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
