everyone is single if you try hard enough
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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