You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
