Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
