i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I enjoy the company of your penis
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
