My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
