so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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