11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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