I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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