I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
