Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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