no you cant smoke seaweed
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
