If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
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