hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
