i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
