If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
FUCK WHALES
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
