I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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