White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
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