apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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