Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
