guys are only as good as the porn they watch
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
