It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
