Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
