just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
So I just went to clothing optional bar
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
