I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
