shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
