They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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