onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
please come you make the beer taste better
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
