I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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