I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
