Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize
