Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
