I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
