The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
