Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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