She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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