Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
