All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Randomize
