Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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