But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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