The best revenge is premature balding
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
