I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
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