so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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