I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Randomize
