This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Randomize
