You can't motorboat a personality
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Randomize
