a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
tell me about the eggs
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
