Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
