i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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