I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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