Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
