NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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