If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
