Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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