He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
