why didn't you poke me back
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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