Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
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