youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
