Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
