I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
