well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
