just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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